I pride myself (and too much so) in being a completely loyal person.
To those I consider true friends; I will always have your back and be there to catch you if you shall fall. I will always answer my phone at 3am and anything of mine is yours. If I make a promise, I keep it. I (try) to follow rules. I’ve never been unfaithful in a relationship, though a few have been unfaithful to me. I always buy the same products and brands no matter what goes on sale, and the whole time I have lived here I’ve never cheated on my hairdresser in California.
With loyalty though comes a horrible hatred for injustice, and all the things in life that are simply not fair. My heart and mind are usually fighting some outside battle they know they can’t win, and yet they tire over trying anyways. The worst fights are always against the “why” questions that have no answer, and probably never will. Why are there children overseas dying from unclean water when I get to safely shower and drink and cook everyday? Why do some people seem to have things easy while others have to fight for everything that comes their way? Why are friends taken from us too soon, and why are so many people still unkind?
Last night was one of those moments when everything inside of me boiled up into a thousand “why’s” and I found myself crumpled on the bed with my best friend holding my hand. Why did I move to Florida? Why haven’t things worked out the way I hoped they would?
And then today I read this:
“God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
7 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
8 Come and see what the LORD has done,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease
to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the shieldswith fire.
10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease
to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the shieldswith fire.
10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
11 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.”
the God of Jacob is our fortress.”
Be still, and know that I am God. I have everything under control. Just let me do my thing.
I pictured God cracking some joke that He has world wars to worry about while I’m crying about living in a tropical beach town. Except God is probably much funnier than that.
And, well, that’s all for tonight. I have a lot more to say but I am going to shut the computer down and see what this “be still” thing is all about.
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