Learning how to befriend Trust (again).

Lately I’m finding that the more I give of myself to learning to trust, the exponentially bigger the challenge grows.  I guess that applies to diving into just about any journey through our human hearts, but this one feels different. It’s weighing heavier than the other mazes weaving their way from my mind through my body. Trust is the foundation for every relationship I do, and ever will, have.  Without it, you only see a sliver of who I am; merely a shadow standing in the hall.  But with it, I invite you inside to photograph my thoughts and stories— as long as you stay on the other side of the room.

I’m realizing that as I get older and closer to accepting the idea of intimately loving someone for a lifetime (or that someone loving me), Trust and I need to sit down and find a common ground.  We need to compromise and talk things out so I know where we stand.  In the past I’ve been the queen of laying things out on the table right away and crumbling at the thought of it being too much for another person to handle [Thanks to our Creator for learning the beauty in change and the ability to move on].

Still, at some point we let lies become our truths, and repeatedly recite this stone-engraved definition of what it means to love.  We think that if someone doesn’t meet all the criteria on our checklist, or bring us a sense of purpose, or smell the way GQ covers even look, then it’s easier to hide in the confines of our minds than face what is different from all we’ve ever known.

We need to redefine the meaning of love the way God intended for it to be, not the world.  We need to remember the story of our creation and the image He created us in.  And we need to believe that the Enemy uses Trust to break us down and separate our heart and mind.  We deserve to have other people to walk with us in this life; we weren’t meant to go it alone. Every day they may find ways to come into our hearts and let us down, but therein lies the strength of our beautiful Lord and His calming purpose for us.  When we are hurt, He will carry us.  When we are told nothing but lies, He will rise up in truth.  Just as deep calls to deep, He knows the places inside of us that no other human will ever be able to reach.  We just need to let Him in (the entire way).  And in doing so, I firmly believe that He will give us new meaning to relationships and Trust.

….I’m just still working on how to get there.