I wear a ring.

I guess you could call it a promise ring, although I usually don’t.  I never take it off my left hand where so many other promises usually are displayed.  It’s one of the best and also simplest things I’ve ever bought for myself, and it’s close to being one of the most significant things I now own. 

It’s a small, plain, silver band.  Size four and a half exactly.  On the outside it’s been messily stamped with “Philippians 1:3”; slightly uneven and yet perfect.  The first time I ever learned the history and context of Paul’s letter to the Philippians was in a New Testament class discussion at Vanguard.  My professor was an eccentric man who had just become engaged, and I remember in detail the way he glowed when he talked about his future wife.  A pastor in his late forties, he made a decision long ago that he would save himself for the woman he married, no matter how long he had to wait for God to bring her into his life.  And as the months went by, we learned more and more of my professor’s struggles growing up with this decision and how he could hardly contain the excitement that all of the fighting was going to pay off in an amazing way.  It was then that Paul’s words, “Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God” began to take on a whole new meaning for me.

My professor spent the majority of his young adult life alone because his focus was on the woman he would someday marry.  Every time he thought of her and the person she would be to him, he thanked God for His all-knowing, perfect love.  And even though Paul was not writing those words in Philippians 1:3 to his future spouse, I have never been able to shake that meaning to it. 

I wear Paul’s words where a wedding ring will one day take their place.  I wear them as a reminder that God is better at this dating thing than I am.  He knows exactly who will love me through my flaws, who will be my partner and spiritual leader, and who will want me at his side for the rest of his days.  And until I am ready for that man, I will continue to fight.

I’ve been single for exactly one year, which is the longest I have been consistently relationship-free since before high school.  I love to be in love.  While I still think there could be worse things, what I thought was something to be admired ended up becoming my downfall.  I lost who I was in relationships and lost my dependence on God alone.  This year has been intentional time set aside for just Him and me—time to get this all worked out.

And the truth is, tonight I couldn’t be happier.

Tonight I am grateful for the people who have come and gone and the ones who have stayed.  I am thankful for the ones with whom there may never be any redemption to how things ended.  But they have brought me to where I am.

If you find yourself in a season of singleness and craving someone to do life with, know that it will get better.  Pray, a lot.  Learn the frustrating beauty of patience.  Lean on God and His plan for you.  Don’t waste this time pining for what you do not have.  Instead, embrace the special type of freedom that comes with being alone and know yourself inside and out. 

Then, when you think of that person God has in mind for you, give thanks to Him.  And keep fighting for that day.