When the street lights turn on.

I have this list I wrote while in California, just before my 24^th birthday, of what I wanted to accomplish in the following year.  It felt as though 24 was my final chance to cling to the uncertainties that tend to follow us in our early twenties, before we hit our quarter-life crises and meaningless milestones start to socially haunt us.  At 24, it’s still acceptable to waiver between grad school applications and social media internships, post photos of your new bundle of joy on Facebook or blog about finding empowerment in a season of singleness.  We feel fine chasing bohemian dreams before we’re forced to settle in corporate America, and the rest of the world even encourages it.

In three short weeks I’ll be 25, an age that’s remained on a dark shelf in the closet of my mind for most of my life.  When you are younger, time and age are born out of this mysterious need for adults to measure everything against, while you simply wonder why not everyone comes home when the street lights turn on.  The older you get, the more the world reveals to you of its good and bad, fair and unjust, and the more you realize you’ve gotten off to a late start in the race towards high school, college, jobs, marriage and kids.  Most of the time, we believe that those events were actually made to happen in that order, and we feel like failures if our timeline shifts.

Well I’m not sure I ever understood what a timeline even was.  I’ve certainly jumped around in the past few years and wrestled with the need to know exactly where and who I would be by the time I was 25.  Now that time is finally here, and I couldn’t be any more at peace with all that I don’t know.  There’s an immense beauty in the mystery of the plan our Father has for us—one that I am in no rush to get through experiencing.

In November I will be leaving California and moving back to the heart of Florida, for the second time in two years.  The past few months here in my Golden Home have allowed me to re-enroll in a program I love at a school I’ve come to adore, learn the meaning of love through distance, and patiently listen to God tell me just how much He wants for me.  And I want all of it too.  I now have the opportunity to grow the relationship most important to me, live in a great community of friends, and take part in some wonderful ministry aimed at furthering God’s kingdom.  The best part of all of it is being able to let go of the worry of how everything will turn out, and hold onto the faith that I am in Hands far more knowing than my own.

Now, back to the list.  In the past year, I hoped to be more confident, be less anxious, be more healed, love others better, write more, and share more stories.  And this year, I’ve decided to keep that same list.  We are never done learning, never done growing, and our goals are not contingent on this world’s timelines.  So here’s to turning twenty-five and the month of November.  Thank you God for turning on one more street light guiding me home.